How to Drive Like a Boy Racer

Being a Boy Racer isn’t solely about how you drive, it’s more a style choice and a way of life, so it pays to consider the deeper, driving motives before you will be able to emulate a Boy Racer in any truly convincing manner. They’re anything but shallow.

Traditionally, a standard Boy Racer tended to veer towards small, three-door hatchbacks, such as the Saxo, Fiesta, Corsa, Ibiza, Leon, 206, Astra and the like. This choice offers a small engine size, from 1.0 to 1.6 litres and thus a small insurance premium they could more easily afford.

Of course, this all becomes moot as soon as they do what Boy Racers do, which is modify their bottom end purchase with all sorts of delights, such as spoilers, fairings, fins, racing seats, bonnet scoops, body kits, tinted windows, powerful sound systems (ICE), loud exhausts, stripes, decals, uprated brakes, bumpers, spotlights, tyre paint, dump valves, washer jet neons, undercar neons, flamer kits, custom font kitting, wire mesh radiators and mods to the wheels, suspension and ride height.

It must be said though, that many of these mods were not professionally executed, but sorted out in DIY fashion, with varying degrees of success.

As you can begin to appreciate, pocket money and weekends are wisely spent.

More recently, a different generation of Boy Racers have come through with far more money to burn, hence the class and speed of vehicle has elevated somewhat. Evo’s, Imprezza’s, Golfs, Beamers and Mercs, all the way through to Porsches and Lambo’s have joined what used to be the preserve of Mum’s old car.

To actually drive like a Boy Racer also takes a complete change of mind-set by anyone wishing to attempt it. Not that we are advocating anything of the kind, let it be understood.

Boy Racers feel immortal.

They are at the age where they don’t have any real concept of death and ‘danger’ is something that they are actually biologically programmed to flirt with. It’s just that technology has outstripped evolution and given these youngsters cars with engines in them that unfortunately have to interact with everyone else.

A Boy Racer pays no mind to the consequences of their driving. They are invincible, everyone else is an idiot, boring, or too slow to be deserving of a place on the road and death or injury won’t ever happen to them, because they are too fine a driver for that.

In general, Boy Racers have a very good understanding of roads and of driving, but they also have a need to push their ride to the limits of its capabilities. And if someone else is on the road not going at the speed they wish to, it will inevitably cause a short circuit of impatience to occur and a reckless, ill-considered maneouvre to clear the obstacle, not understanding that it is infact they who are being the stupid one. Can you do this?

So. Apart from driving too fast at all times in an overly loud small car, it is also necessary to know a few choice tricks, if you wish to complete the transformation:

Racing

Especially in deserted car parks, on seafronts, or down residential streets, late at night with similarly minded peers.

Engine Revving

Especially in built up areas, where crowds or any kind of audience may be present, like at traffic lights, on high streets or car parks. Especially effective with the aforementioned exhaust flame kit.

Wheelspinning

Revving the car, then dropping the clutch to put maximum power down in the shortest possible time, thereby burning rubber. Tends to reduce the mileage you can expect from your Pirelli PZero’s.

Burnouts

Engaging in a Wheelspin, handbrake engaged, so the car remains static with the engine maxed out and the tyres ‘burn out’. Usually ends in the unexpected, when the engine fails or the handbrake does and the car crashes into whatever it might be pointing at at the time. Funny though, right?

Doughnuts

Usually performed with the assistance of a smooth, domed mini roundabout, in the UK at least, doughnuts are controlled ‘drifts’ in small tight circles, that leave gratifying black trails and a crowd of peers coughing in rubbered delight.

If you feel that you can successfully pimp your ride and pull off at least 90% of these concepts whilst going about your day to day drive 90% of the time, believe that you are the best thing on the road both in looks and ability AND keep an eye out for Rozzers and Speed Cameras, then son, you too can join the chosen few.